A Little Blue

     So yesterday I was feeling a little blue.  And, in my life, even a little blue is too much for me.  I couldn't shake it and I believe my biggest frustration was that I could not put my finger on why.  Of course, one would say, it's the "normal" letdown after Christmas.  That could be part of it.  I began taking down my decorations but that actually made me feel good.  Why is it that those decorations just do not have the appeal after January 1? They are the same decorations that Ron and I would comment on almost daily as to how warm and cozy they made our house.  I am taking things down in stages and will be leaving some soft white lights for what can sometimes be a long January.  

    I can't really blame it on the fact that my kids have come and gone.  I always stay sad the first hour after they leave, but I have learned how to manage that and the importance of letting it happen.  We had a great visit.  We spent a lot of time together wearing our masks even though they all got tested.  We chose to give donations instead of bought gifts this year and spent Christmas morning talking about our choices and why they were personally important to us.  We truly felt the Spirit of Christmas as we gave to others. Robert and Mandy stayed until two days after Christmas and John wound up staying two extra days after that which was wonderful for us.  Also, it is so much easier to say good-bye to my children one at a time.  

    So it wasn't the decorations and it wasn't the kids leaving that totally caused my blues.  I think some of it had to do with the rainy days, which normally I enjoy because I cuddle under a blanket and either read or watch movies.  I think it was two things:  (1) being out of a routine of goals and a rather "now what" feeling and (2) most importantly, my lack of face to face interaction with my friends.  Other than family I thrive on my friendships and take them very seriously.  Researchers are telling us that a big part of getting through this pandemic along with exercise and eating healthy, is our interaction with others. With this being said, I am going to be proactive with setting up some time with friends with our masks on and socially distanced.  The screen visits are okay but nothing to compare with the real face to face conversation. I believe we can be safe together outdoors once it warms up a little and I think we need each other. We need to share our books, our day to day happenings, our worries and our joys.  Maybe we just need to talk about nothing especially important!

    Today I have walked Cooper for close to a mile which is chump miles to some of my friends, but its a great time for us each morning.  I have turned off the tv and have a load of clothes in the dryer.  I am not feeling as "blue" this morning for whatever reasons and am grateful for that.  This doesn't mean I won't feel blue again but the good thing is that I know hope and joy are still out there and I have already experienced some of that today.

    If any of you would like to share how you handle your "blue" days, I would love to hear it.  Just email me at Girlietchr@gmail.com. :)

Until next time,

R.

Thoughts for the first Day of 2021

 Today is January 1, 2021.  Last night was spent by millions of people telling 2020 good-bye as if all of its trials would just go away with it. Oh, if that could be true and we would've awaken this morning to no Covid, no unemployment, no divisive nation and no helpless feelings as we go throughout our days.  Well, unfortunately all of these things are still here.  But, there is something helpful about ridding ourselves of our thoughts of 2020 and renewing ourselves with hope.  We have a vaccine now and thousands have already gotten it.  It will take time but we are at least seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for the end of this deadly disease.  As the virus disappears, more people will be healthy and our economy can get back on its feet.  Our schools will continue to function back to a more stable climate and way of life, especially for teachers. It will take time, patience and a continual act of creativity on our parts to adapt to this new way of life.

If you had told me in March that I would be staying at home literally as I have since, I would have told you to go ahead and shoot me.  I am kidding, of course, but for someone who craves being around people, keeping herself productive and who had rather travel than eat, this was something that I would have thought would have done me in emotionally.  

First of all, the losses.  I had a trip planned to Rome, Italy, for this past July.  I was going to travel with my friend, Toni German.  We would travel from Venice to Rome, and then down into Tuscany.  It was going to be a dream trip.  That trip obviously had to be cancelled and I am not sure when it will be rescheduled.  I am used to traveling usually two big trips a year.  My biggest trip since March was to Little Rock, Arkansas.  Now, I am not saying that is a bad thing.  I love my friends in Little Rock and staying there with Kay is like being home again.  I am just saying it is a little bit smaller type trip than one to Europe.  So, the inability to travel has taken a big toll on me.  The good thing is that it has given me a great opportunity for reflection as I have looked through hundreds of pictures from my other trips ever appreciating them now more than ever.  I am warmed by the thoughts of my travel buddies and the memories we created together.  So, this is an ongoing avenue of hope that I will be able to travel again this coming year.  Come on, 2021, I am counting on you.

Another loss was my teaching situation at UNT.  My class was changed from a face-to-face design to a remote design.  At first, I was so disappointed because I am very relational and like to get to know my students through personal conferences in my office, interactions in class, and helping them learn how to set up community with their own students by the way I would model with mine. It was hard to make the transition and I pretty much made up my mind (even before the class started) that I was not going to like it.  Luckily, I was blessed with a great class.  They would attend my online meetings each week.  They turned in their assignments on time and did excellent work. It was a fantastic semester. So, I didn't completely "lose" my teaching job, but had to adjust to something quite different.  Teaching to a screen was challenging and I am now where I am deciding a semester at a time how much I am willing to move forward.

I am a firm believer that every day a person should seek out his/her purpose and do what they can to fulfill it.  I have a lot of purposes and am grateful for them.  However, they are not all long term and sometimes I find myself empty and wishing for something to do to become productive.  People say that maybe taking a nap and relaxing can be your purpose for the day.  I have a tough time with that one. To me purpose is being out of the house among people, looking for need, improving my mind, learning new things, etc.  Travel and teaching were part of my purpose.  Having them taken away or greatly modified has left me lonely at times and somewhat empty.  I don't think a day should be wasted.  Having to spend time at home has sometimes made it hard to find purpose.

Being at home during the pandemic has taught me that I can do just that...be at home... and manage.  I think Ron and I have done quite well by being here together all of the time.  We respect each other's space and we respect how the other is trying to cope.  That makes a big difference.  Making demands on others during a time like this is a no-win.  I also think having our dogs here with us has helped.  There is nothing like two animals with unconditional love following you around all day.

So, 2021, how are we going to continue?  Reading, big yes.  Organizing for the hundredth time, sure.  Taking walks and afternoon drives, of course.  Intentional writing from blogs such as this to actual writing letters to people, yes to that! Looking for a new hobby...practicing Chopin...calling my friends.  All of these things.

In order to be reading this blog, you have to be on my email list so I am confident that I can call you a friend.  Please know that I value you as my friend and that you are important to me. It is my "hope" that we shall support each other as we begin this new year.  Let's keep our heads high, our thoughts hopeful, and our hearts filled with love for each other as we move forward into 2021.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

R.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character;   and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our lives by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."   Romans 5: 3-5